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2004 Tornado Watch Issued

The National Weather Service announced today that the first of the 2004 series of Tornado Watch should be available in stores shortly.

This years watch features the image of a fearsome Oklahoma Tornado and a sweep second hand. Weather Service officials had determined that the sweep second hand was appropriate for the new tornado watch, even though previous users tended to prefer the other kind.

Sadly, due to the slow sales of the 2003 Blizzard Watch, there will be a delay in the availability of the next series of Severe Storm Watches.  There is still no word on when the weather service will switch over to digital watches from the analog watches we have all come accustomed to. --staff

Implant Saves Woman

Not more than three months since Angela Mably had her new Nomex reinforced breast implants installed did the device save her life. A large bolt from a terrorist pipe bomb was stopped before it could do serious damage.

While bulletproof breast implants are not new to women of the middle east, they haven't been very popular due to the weight of the steel plates usually used in their fabrication.  With the recent increase in checkpoints using metal detectors, the steel implants always were a concern.  The use of nomex and other polymers in armored breast implants alleviates the problems with checkpoints and also allows for a more natural feel to the breasts of women so equipped. 

    "I don't feel like a Turtle" claimed Sally Favcon. "And I know my nomex implants won't cause me problems walking by magnetic fields either".

Increased terrorism has created a boom market for the devices in Israel, where there is a six month waiting list to get the $14,000 implants installed. --staff

 

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