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Officer McRuffDrug dog forced into retirement

After 8 years of exemplary service to the citizens of Miami, special narcotics officer McRuff was forced to accept early retirement or become the first officer on the police force to be fired as a result of random drug testing.

"We knew it was the end of his career when they put that cup next to his hind leg" McRuffs former partner, Officer Bill Lacy said. "The night before we had busted three meth labs and five smugglers at the airport-- there had to be plenty in his system".

Last year, the city enacted a strict zero tolerance policy for all employees-- without exception. McRuff was the first in the K9 unit chosen by random computer selection to be tested.

City managers stand by the zero tolerance dictate, even though the drugs found in McRuffs system were a direct result of the performance of his assigned duties.

Testing the rest of the K9 unit is automatically required by the city drug policy, once one member of a unit fails the test. Results of these additional drug tests are not available yet, but are expected to show widespread drug exposure by members of the narcotics K9 team. --staff

News Archive Highlights:
US removes Windows - Military cripled 
Y2K Inventor Found
Make money with Gun Buy Backs
Chia Pets Threaten New Mexico
Metric Time comes to US
Crop Circles Explained
National Forests to be Clear Cut
Army drops BASIC training
Windows unstable in space
Mars Polar Lander is found

Lexus sued by PETI
PCS Phones are choking hazard

February 15, 2000 issue

Allstate AirbagInsurer Sponsors Air Bags

Allstate Insurance has reached agreement with Ford Motors to advertise on the air bags equipped in their 2001 model vehicles.

"Studies show that air bag ads have a high impact and often leave a lasting impression on those who experience them" says Mark Millborne, Allstate VP. He added that "there couldn't be a more comforting feeling to see the Allstate 'good hands' popping out of your dash at the moment of impact".

Advertising on air bags is not new. In 1998, National Casket sparked controversy when Yugo Motors featured their ads.  Many suspected that death rates in '98 Yugos increased because of the image of a casket appearing to swallow you on impact.

National Casket denied the charge, citing research showing the death rates were also unusually high the following year when the PBS show Barney sponsored the bags. Yugo Motors has since contracted with PLAYBOY for air bag ads.  --staff

Trans-Am-FLUArctic Flu Trans Am

Pontiac Motors unveiled today a special Arctic Flu version of the popular Trans Am Firebird.

The FLU model sports a special interior designed by Kleenex, a custom exhaust system with a distinctive sound and the revolutionary EGC (exhaust gas coloring) system. Custom exterior graphics also make the FLU Trans Am easy to spot.

Lucky CoinGeorgia Quarter deemed Lucky!

The US Mint admitted to a design flaw in the Georgia state quarter that was minted in 1999.

An unexpected imbalance in the center of gravity of the special quarter causes it to land "tails up" more than 80% of the time. Engineers for the mint cite the custom state image imprinted on the "tail" side of the coin with the imbalance and Y2K glitches are blamed for the error slipping through the cracks.

In admitting the error, mint officials will even up the score by creating an imbalance in the New York quarter, due out this year, so that that quarter lands "heads up" 80% of the time.  --staff

 

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