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Napster Music-- Out,
Napster Cash-- In

While the courts are shutting down the Napster online music sharing business, company officials are reporting huge gains with their newly released cash sharing spinoff.

Napster Cash allows people to download and print paper currency from hundreds of countries.

"It started as a means for our music customers to generate cash to pay the record companies" says Bill Lemoir, Technologist at Napster. "In the first two weeks, the cash downloading has far exceeded expectations".

Napsters earlier experiment with the downloading of airline tickets ended in chaos as hundreds of ticket holders found themselves vying for overbooked flights.  The company expects that cash downloading will not face such marketplace limits.  Unlike seats on airliners, there is no physical limit to the amount of cash in circulation.

Napster Cash is still in beta test. Windows users can download a trial version at cash.napster.com.  --Staff

Asteroid Made of Cheese

Much to the surprise of scientists at Jack Hopkins University, the 433 Eros asteroid is apparently more than 75% post-curdled bovine milk--- more commonly known as cheese.

Data obtained from the NEAR spacecraft after landing on Eros contradicts previous theories of the composition of asteroids. Scientists have known that common cheeses take on rock like consistency in space, but had never expected the material to be so common in the universe.

Anti-Hunger advocacy groups are already planning to petition NASA to develop a means to harness this enormous food source to eliminate hunger.  While refusing to comment, NASA is rumored to be contemplating using the new International Space Station as a processing facility for the new asteroidal cheese. Astronauts have already successfully created NY style cheesecake on the station. --Staff

February 15, 2001 issue

Windows Logo Part Of  Terrorist Plot

Technicians at the FBI Steganographic labs have uncovered an embedded "watermark like" image embedded in the Microsoft Windows logo.  Using Steganographic code "B", authorities have revealed that complete instructions for creating a portable nuclear bomb have been embedded into the startup graphic that is part of WindowsME.  The image has been traced to Osama Bin Laden.

Microsoft plans to release a patch with a photo of Barney watermarked into the logo to replace the bomb instructions.  Barney had no comment.  --Staff

California Energy Crisis -

Windfall for rural survivalists

Thousand dollar monthly checks from Pacific Electric was never anything Joe Fleck expected when he installed his wind generators six years ago. More...

Visit our special California Energy Crisis Page

Global Humidity is Down

Executives at the World Dryer Company have announced that they are finally making progress at making the world a dryer place.

In 1965 when the WDC first embarked on the ambitious project to reduce humidity and embark on a war on mold and mildew, few thought they had any hope for success.

"A little bit here, a little bit there, it all adds up" is how Bill Byrnes, CEO of WDC explains how the companies ubiquitous hand dryers have effected the ecosystem of the planet. WDC expects to reach the goal of 15% humidity worldwide by 2405. -- Staff

 

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