Power Crisis Averted
The California power crisis was postponed for a month today thanks to a major earthquake near Seattle, WA.
Engineers at the PSE&G Piezo generating plant reported the quake, which generated 276 megawatts
at the San Francisco facility, created enough power to keep the lights on for approximately three weeks.
"It was looking pretty dim" said William Neimer, plant engineer. "Washington State bails us out yet again".
Todays quake was the first full scale use of the new generating technology and has revitalized the hopes for the harnessing of geologic power.
For more information on Piezo power and the California Energy crisis,
AKC Bans Miracle Grow
Dog breeders can thank their dung beetles for today's ruling by the AKC to disallow dogs raised on Miracle Grow from professional competition.
For most of the past 16 years, winners of the "Big Dog" competition have all been raised on a diet including Dr Scotts formulation of Miracle Grow. Complaints from breeders not using the food supplement had gone unheard until the PETA organization filed a complaint that the additive adversely affected dung beetles.
"It gives them indigestion" claimed Ellen Stu of PETA. "There is nothing worse than a dung beetle with indigestion". Nobody can argue with that.
In cooperation with the AKC ruling, the formulation of Miracle Grow has been modified to make it sickening for dogs and more palatable for dung beetles. Test results on using the supplement on plants have grown way out of proportion. --Staff
March 1, 2001 issue
Clinton Library Opens
Hope Arkansas' largest celebration in history kicked off today with the long awaited opening of the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library.
The celebration commenced with a
gala donors parade down Democrat Way and ended with a fund raiser at the Jun Tao pavilion (in honor of Gen Tao, generous (anonymous) library donor and leader of the Chinese Nuclear Club).
Participants donned sheets and hoods to remain anonymous, in keeping with Democratic tradition. More..
Donor Complaint Page now online
For those who have donated to the library, or contributed to "the family" and are unhappy with the services rendered, the DNC feels your pain.
"We don't want to send the wrong message" says an
anonymous member of the DNC. "You get what you pay for, you can trust us-- we're from the government".
The DNC has setup a website to make it simple to register your complaint if you have not received your pardon, contract, [Lincoln] bedroom key, or other preferential treatment. CLICK HERE to go to the site.
New Leash Promises More Uses
From the makers of the Veg-O-Matic comes a revolutionary new leash for household pets.
The Reeleash combines all the
benefits of a 30# test leash with a fine fly casting rod. For fishermen with arthritis, this rod/leash combination is heaven sent. Simply affix the hook to the dog and let him swim out to the fish. Once he has caught a fish you can quickly reel him in before consumption is complete. A must for those with poor aim, limited mobility or whose dog does not swim. The Reeleash will be in stores during Trout season. -- Staff
Crackdown on Stamp Abuse
In a shocking victory for the USPS, Herbert Miles of Asheville, NC was convicted of six counts of postal abuse for improperly affixing stamps on his mail. This being his third offense, he faces up to life in prison-- all for placing his
33c stamp upside down on the envelope. Live coverage of his sentencing is expected... --Staff