Block Sues Ad Agency
Premiere US Tax preparation firm H&R Block is claiming huge losses due to a snafu at its ad agency.
The companies "I can smell a refund" campaign for this years tax season was a disaster due
mostly to the lack of "sniff" in the scratch-n-sniff advertisements.
Consumers were supposed to experience the smell of fresh cash (smells like chicken) when they scratched the green "Blocks" in advertisements for the tax prep. service. Instead of the smell of cash, many ads contained the smell of formaldehyde, if they had an odor at all.
Reportedly, corporate owned Block offices have been instructed to place specially prepared chickens in the air ducts to infuse the office air
with the fresh cash refund smell. While company officials refuse to comment on their being rabid for a refund from the ad agency, rumors abound that Block is shelving the "virtual block" phase of the campaign (originally scheduled for April). --Staff
Abernathe Gets Probation
Weather Channel meteorologist, Karen Abernathe has been put on notice for failing to live up to all her contractual obligations.
The channel, in an attempt to promote a more rounded, "family" appearance, has required all
female meteorologists to become "with child" at least once every five years. Abernathy, now approaching her sixth year with the network, has not yet become "with child" as has all her contemporaries who have been with the network during that time (some, more than once).
Unconfirmed reports of the network accepting artificial padding in her clothing (to simulate pregnancy) have been flatly denied by network officials. More on this in 9 months...
Duracell & Ray-O-Vac California Bound
In a move that has
California environmental groups preparing to riot, battery manufacturers Ray-O-Vac and Duracell have decided to accept a lucrative incentive offered by the state and locate major distribution facilities there.
Both battery manufacturers declined to comment on the details of the deal, but it is widely speculated that the market for portable power in California will reach an all time high this summer.
California state legislators are overjoyed at the
news that an additional source of power will soon be available in the state and are looking into a means to connect the batteries to the power grid.
The plan is for the manufacturers to produce and charge the batteries in Nevada and Arizona and truck them to California for discharge there.
While battery power is more expensive, and has major environmental consequences, it is a way to infuse the state with power quickly, without the lengthy delays associated with building new
traditional power generators. -- staff
Visit our California Power Crisis page for more...
April 1, 2001 issue
Dr Henry Agape of Los Altos, CA is revolutionizing the cosmetic surgery industry by incorporating a popular internet business model in his practice.
In exchange for a postcard sized ad tattooed on your
abdomen, Dr Agape will perform a "tummy tuck" for free, or one of a number of similar operations.
"I never expected such a response" says Dr Agape. "I'm booked solid through next year, and sponsors are eager for this type of exposure".
While Dr Agape seems to have success with his new business model, it has not been eagerly received by others in his profession. Many doctors are hesitant to invest in the computer driven laser tattoo machinery
used to create the "billbellys". Without the expensive laser, the hand drawn tattoos are time consuming and of lesser quality.
Dentists throughout Oregon are apparently having great success with a similar system using specially etched teeth. --Staff
Interstate Speed Limit Reduced
In an effort to curb the needless deaths of thousands of motorists, the NTSB has decided to reduce the speed limit on interstate highways to 5 miles per hour.
Citing that "speed kills" and was the causative agent
in the deaths of hundreds this past week, the agency claims that it must protect the populace by further tightening the speed limits on roadways.
Statistics show that when drivers exceed 95 mph the accident rate climbs logarithmically.
"Most fatalities occur when drivers exceed the speed limit by 20mph or more" cited Spencer Williams, NTSB spokesman. "We must get speed out of the hands of the average driver".
Williams held the concept of enforcing existing speed
laws as an unrealistic means of controlling speed. "The only way we can control this is by more and stricter laws" he added. "Addressing the issue of enforcement-- or mental attitude of the driver is absurd". He goes on to comment that data suggesting that fatal accidents usually involve speeds that are already illegal, are inaccurate and meaningless.
Congress is already working on a law to restrict auto manufacturers from manufacturing vehicles with more than first gear. --Staff
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