Chia-Duck Available Soon!
This holiday season Americans will have yet another variety of Chia plant to go crazy
over. The Chia company will have the new Chia-Duck in stores starting in August, and it is certain to be a hit!
While sporting the slick ducky look, this new member of the Chia family will also be the first to be available with an assortment of "Rainbow Chia" plant colors. Eventually all Chia plants will be available in the new colors, but Chia-Duck will be the only model with a color selection this season.
Watch for the Chia-Duck on your grocers shelves
this fall. --Staff
Meatless Cattle Perfected
Fat-free and beef were never considered to be one in the same. Until now, that is. Thanks to genetic hybridization, researchers have managed to breed cattle that have absolutely no soft meat on them and are 100% lean.
While they appear more like skeletons, these cows are full of proteins and fibers. FDA approval is expected to take a few months, but is expected to be completed by the end of this summer.
Frozen food manufacturers are already planning to utilize this new nonfat beef using the trade name of "Healthy-Beef". --Staff
Tax Code Released
Scribes at the IRS have been working overtime since the recent passage of the new tax code. Miraculously, the changes have been entered and the new code is now available to the public for the first time.
The one page document is written in a special font that is designed to make it easy to understand,
regardless of education level. While it may appear unusual, this new font will ultimately be used exclusively in all governmental publications, replacing the Helvetica and Times Roman fonts presently used.
The font change was mandated in a late term executive order of the Clinton administration and is in response to complaints by some that they were at a disadvantage when it came to understanding federal documents. The new font was chosen to make it equally hard for everyone.
Monkey Thoughts Decoded
Ever since mans first encounter with another species he has pondered "what are they thinking".
Finally, modern technology has reached a point where humans can take a peek into the minds of the other animals. Researchers at Lawrence Liverborne Labs have decoded the thoughts of a group of monkeys in their lab.
Surprisingly, the monkeys think of food and sex almost exclusively. Not once during the three
month study did they worry about ill health, how they appeared, or what the weather was to be the next day. Sex and food, that was all they thought about (imagine that! whoo'da thought). --Staff
It's what's for dinner.