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July 15, 2000 issue

Pepsi Gets 33c Stamp!


In a move bound to spark legal action, Pepsi completed an exclusive deal with the US Postal Service for advertising on the new 33c postage stamp thereby locking out Coke for the First Class spot.

The new Pepsi stamps are part of a special sponsored stamp series that will debut in September. Ford, Dell Computer, Auto Zone and Target have already contracted to be included in this 33 cent stamp series.

It is unclear whether technicians at the Postal Research Labs have perfected the addition of Pepsi flavored stamp glue to the back of the new Pepsi stamps, a feature that will net an additional 25% in advertising revenue if implemented.

US Postal authorities are excited about the impact that the sponsorships will have.  "It's like money from heaven" said Steve Abernathy, Postal Inspector for the central region. "We should have been doing this years ago".

The new sponsored stamp program is part of a recent plan to bring the postal service in line with other industries, whereby all available space is sold for advertising.

Postal carriers are scheduled to start receiving their new Office Max sponsored uniforms next May, coinciding with the roll out of the "happy meal (r)" delivery vehicles (postal vans made to look like McDonalds happy meals).

Bargain Gov't Laptops
For Sale

Used government laptops will now be made available for sale to the public with the recent computer upgrade of the NSA system made possible by the "budget surplus".

The NSA (National Security Administration) laptop PC's will be the first government computers to be sold via the new computer recycling program.

This program promises to enable low income people to purchase a fully functional PC from the government for educational use. 

In order for the government to offer these computers at such a low price, purchasers must delete the government files from the computers themselves.  NSA officials had in the past spent more money destroying information on decommissioned computers than the machines were worth. 

With this new plan, the computers can be put to use (instead of languishing in a federal storage facility) while the NSA can return the money previously spent to destroy classified documents to congress for use with entitlement programs.

The NSA laptops should be available this October and feature Pentium-2 CPU, large hard drives, full multimedia, case, and a special wiretap enabled modem. 

They are scheduled to sell for $50 ($70 with leather case) and purchasers will be required to sign a statement that they will delete all sensitive government documents and software from the machine within 2 weeks of purchase, and that they will not use the wiretap mode of the internal modem.

Purchasers need not prove low income status, or citizenship.  Limit of 5 per customer.

News Archive Highlights:
US removes Windows - Military cripled 
Drowning solution found
Make money with Gun Buy Backs
Chia Pets Threaten New Mexico
Metric Time comes to US
Crop Circles Explained
National Forests to be Clear Cut
Army drops BASIC training
Windows unstable in space
Mars Polar Lander is found

Lexus sued by PETI
PCS Phones are choking hazard

Discount Pentagon Tours

The White House Travel bureau has added a special extended Pentagon tour to the administrations discount tour and technology exchange program.

The tour, which allows participants to select a special emphasis from a list including cryptology, electronic warfare, and advanced ballistics, includes sections of the Pentagon that heretofore have been off limits to all but a select few.

WHTB expects this tour to be very popular, and has issued a special Asian discount program, which not only includes half price admission, but free photocopies and camcorder rental.

Reservations are required. Currently, the tours are booked solid through the fall due to unexpected foreign demand, and high interest amongst Pentagon employees (obviously curious what goes on in the more secure areas they otherwise cannot access).

 

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